Sitting at Cafe Gerbeau in Budapest. A short stop while i am trying to let my intuition guide me through the streets of this city i am into, with a small travel guide as my only ally.
I feel small and alone, but so far, i had only 20 minutes of homesickness, as planned. I am now learning to cope and accept this known but so often avoided feeling. I am also learning to be aware of the people placed on my path by the universe, and furthermore, learning to open myself to them, instead of shutting myself off as i always used to do.
I feel sorry that i did not acknowledge the traveling girl trying to help me at my arrival as i was waiting for my flat’s keys – she looked willing to help, and friendly, but i was so stressed out, i did not realize that the universe was sending me someone to give me a hand in my loneliness.
Same with the men renting me the flat, who’s also all there to help. I see this with eyes wide open – i am not at all alone, just on unfamiliar grounds, and that is what my travels are about: discovering myself in unfamiliar situations. I’ve been so used to close myself off from people, discarding them if they did not look familiar as friends or family.
I am here to explore the unfamiliar until i feel comfortable and secure in it’s harms. I am here to learn to open myself to people, to accept the inter-dependance between all of us, and stop aiming for self sufficiency at all time – this i tried for 34 years, and it ended up being a little boring, and overwhelming.
I must learn to let people be there for me, and myself be there for them.
Entry from Dec. 2th 2008, taken from my traveling journal.